Advice

Tips about adjusting to needing help for people affected by dementia

Needing help from others when you’re caring for someone with dementia can raise emotional and practical challenges.

We asked Dementia together magazine readers and members of our Dementia Support Forum for their advice about adapting to the situation.

When a team is needed for dementia care

Veritas says, ‘The crucial step is admitting to yourself that you need the help. It feels like failure, but it isn’t.

What is happening is that the needs of your person with dementia are developing in such a way that it is impossible for one person to do all that’s necessary.

‘One of the most helpful things said to us was that, sooner or later, it gets to a point when the person with dementia needs a team to care for them.’ 

Deciding what to say to the person with dementia

julesinsuffolk says, ‘We have started with a “befriender” for Mum as she refused to have anyone come in to help. Mum thinks she’s a volunteer, though she’s actually a paid carer.

‘I hate not being truthful but she’s really enjoyed the visits for company, and hopefully she’ll accept carers later when needed.’

MaNaAk says, ‘Introduce outside carers as friends. This worked for me when introducing them to Dad and I would leave them watching TV.

‘The same thing worked for me when I introduced him to the care home manager.’

Joanna hl says, ‘My sister was very resistant to carers visiting the home, so we worked on companionship carers. 

The carers would visit and go for a walk with her and then make meals.

‘She also had a habit of losing her hearing aid, glasses, meds, so I bought a security box with spares for all the above. I told her the code so she felt involved, but she didn’t remember it so the items were safe.’

Sharing information with dementia carers

SeaGirl says, ‘One thing I found to be helpful, was to colour code and label my husband’s flannels (upper and lower body) and towel, so that a morning personal care visit, by a variety of different carers, didn’t entail me supervising every step saying, “No, this one not that one.”

‘I also labelled the drawers in the bedroom to indicate where his clothing could be found, which meant I didn’t need to lay out appropriate clothing for him each day.

‘Only very small things, but they relieved a little of the pressure in adjusting to a huge change in our lives.’

Tiddles123 says, ‘When care visits finally started I had online access to the visit notes, which I read to keep up with how it was going.

‘The carers didn’t do things the way I did and consequently weren’t very successful at encouraging her to wash or eat, but I made a conscious effort to step back and not intervene.

It wasn’t easy but I think it was valuable. In time, they worked out what to do, what worked etc. 

'I think if I’d stuck my nose in all the time I would never have been free of the caring responsibilities, but now I feel I’m getting there.’